How to get a bigger bath into a much smaller space

Bathroom Chronicles, Part 11.

Well, we’re in the home straight, so to speak.  Or, to put it another way, we are no longer going round the bend.

The shower screens have been installed, the bath is in place, the toilets are working (thank God) and it all looks pretty good.

One wall of Sue’s bathroom is going to get a makeover because a light grey in a plaster showroom window is actually dark grey in a bathroom that has no natural light. 

A silvery white feature wall will fix that.

We hope.

The rough concrete-like green walls of my bathroom look great against the smooth black of the tapware and shower screen frame, as well as the “anthracite” tiles.

I got black towels for my birthday – never imagined I’d ever write that sentence without a swearword somewhere in the middle – and they set it all off very nicely.

The daily procession of tradies has dwindled to the odd visit to “tidy up” as all we do now is forensically examine every surface looking for a flaw that may or may not exist.

Is it really a flaw or is it a feature? Is it a scratch or is it texture? How do we know? Do we even care?

A brilliant design for my bathroom door has taken shape in my head – sadly I lack the communication skills to convey the details to Chris the Builder.

When I tried, he looked at me blankly and said, somewhat apologetically, “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

The bath is a triumph. The Tardis-like properties that enable us to fit a tub that contains more water, width and legroom into a slightly smaller space was worth the wait and effort.

The secret is modern polymer materials that allow the production of a thin-walled bath that doesn’t need to be slotted into a wooden frame or have wide sills around it for strength.

The most important thing is that it’s free-standing so Pepper the cat now has an even better place to hide from thunder than merely tucking herself between the bath and the door. 

My rainwater shower feels more like a warm waterfall and the hand spray could be used as a water cannon to deter marching anti-maskers (should any ever find their way into my bathroom).

This took longer than we anticipated becasue we decided to go for Venetian Plaster rather than tiles, which is about four times as expensive and takes four times as long to do. But then you can plaster over the existing tiles so you save a little bit on demolition.

And we decided to do both bathrooms at the same time to save some money but mainly to get it all over and done with – both for us and for our infinitely patient neighbours. Having a gym downstairs with four – count em’ – four bathrooms with showers was an absolute boon.

Having never used them in the 20 years we’ve been here, I reckoned we were due a few visits. And the fact that they are fitted with the same little grey tiles, sinks and toilets as our (and everyone else’s) original bathrooms reinforced our decision to go for something slightly less utilitarian.

You’ll be able to hear the full low-down about our bathroom shenannigans in next week’s podcast.  Till then, I’m off for a long soak in a short (but surprisingly roomy) bath.